wishes and curses

I seem to have a one sided conversation addiction. I have done this all my life. I used to wonder if I was normal or if I wasn't just a little bit touched because I would have entire pretend conversations in my head. Arguments that I would re-play where I would win, or smart funny things I should have said, but thought of too late. You know we've all done it... haven't we? So lately it seems I am doing this a lot with my television. Things will happen on shows, and I find my self talking to the TV- not to the people on the shows, but to the actual television- like it is somehow responsible for the events taking place in the shows. I am going to temporarily attribute this behaviour to sheer physical and mental exhaustion, but if it continues after next week, when things calm down for me, then I am going to have to call a therapist or a TV repair man.

The current target of my most violent accusations and conversations is American Idol or Supernatural. I yelled and whooped and hollered last night when I saw Bo Bice in the audience, and then I scolded the TV for not warning me about the psycho girl on Tuesday nights episode of "Supernatural" (I had TiVo time). But my point is, where does the passion for this fiction come from? How can a television show, or a book (which I have gotten so upset with I have thrown it across a room before) or a movie inspire me to such ire? I think it has to do with how I escape reality through these endeavors, and how I become a part of what's happening in my head. But I can't be sure. There is no psychology degree on my wall. But this is the topic of today's Top Five. Top Five works of Fiction that Suck Me In:

1. Any of John Grisham's Novels- I like the way this man writes. It's conversational, and intimate, and there's a lot of back story and thought process revealed. I just find myself reading along, and feeling like I am in Washington, or Italy, or Arkansas and when I have to stop to answer the phone, or look up and I realize I am not in Washington, or Italy or Arkansas, I am always shocked. I fully become engaged in what is happening, and it makes me feel like the characters a re going o continue on without me if I don't hurry back to them.
2. Star Wars, all of them- I think it's indicative of a story that spans so much time, but when you are watching, and you find out who's related to whom, and who knew who when, and how they all interrelate, you become a part of that in your head. I have always loved Darth Vader, and as a child I wanted to know what happened that made him so dark. So as I watched the last three movies in my twenties (and late twenties) I finally felt the closure as to why I always loved this character. Why, even though he was 'evil', I wanted to like him so much. And, nerdy or not, it spoke volumes to me about my own feelings of what is good and what is evil. There is a quote by Rumi "Outside the ideas of right and wrong there is a field. I'll meet you there." That sums me up in a lot of ways.
3. Mary Poppins- the book, not the terrible movie. In the book there are so many more stories and adventures, and you really feel like you've had an uptight, perfect, British nanny for a spell. I remember after reading it, I would attempt to be magical. Not to perform magic tricks, mind you, but to actually exude that magical something that made people everywhere know me, and made star sisters talk to me, and made me understand the conversations the birds and the wind would have. Whether or not I succeeded at being magical, I will leave as a question for you to ponder.
4. Friends- I watched this show every week. I never missed a story line, I taped before I had TiVo, then I tivoed all the re-runs so I could watch them over and over. I could not understand, on the finale, why they weren't telling me goodbye as well. I had been there the whole time! I had hated Rachel, and then loved her, and then been irritated with her. I had cherished Phoebe for her candor, and valued Chandler for his witticism. I felt like I had known all of these people for so long, and then they just left me! I was so sad to see them go.
5. ER- I am not going to go into whether or not it's a good show anymore. Because it's not worth it to me to try to justify why I am still so involved with all these Chicago doctors. But I will just say one thing. I cried when Carol and Doug finally got together and she went to Seattle to find him. I hurt when Carter struggled with drug addiction. And I honestly mourned when Mark died. Now say what you will about how lame it is that I involve myself emotionally with characters that aren't real, but I feel honest to God joy, and bliss, and hurt, and anger and pain when I watch this show. That, and I could save your life if you got stabbed or run over with the medical knowledge I have learned. 8 years of college and med school, please! I have 12 years of ER under my belt. I could be a surgeon by now.

If you find yourself getting lost in something you are reading or watching, just let it happen. If you want to re-hash that argument you had with your spouse while you are alone in the car, DO IT! If it doesn't make you feel better, it will at least make me appear more normal.